I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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