Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
