You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
