I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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