You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
