Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize