I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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