I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
