i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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