do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
