you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
