too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
