It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i love accidental penises.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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