If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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