dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
