Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
