dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
