I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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