Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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