a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
