ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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