He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Is Oprah even human
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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