Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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