Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
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im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
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The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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