if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My penis needs a shock collar
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
