Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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