Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
