It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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