It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
