I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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