By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
