don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
we're making bets on your personal life
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
