i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
