Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
