Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize