im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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