Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
