I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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