why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
