Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
