I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
