I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
