Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
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Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
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Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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