yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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