Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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