My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Drunk is not a location!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
