My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Who died my cat blue again?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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