remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
