I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
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i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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