What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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