Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
