If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Help. Why am I so naked?
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