Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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