Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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