I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
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If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
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im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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