mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
what day is it and did you see me today?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
