you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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