Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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